


show me where my armour ends (show me where my skin begins)

by cutiepiealfie



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Angst, Bipolar Disorder, Fluff, Jonas has all the braincells in this, M/M, Romance, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, apart from Jonas, boysquad being dumbasses, but just a bit i promise, they are in love, whats a story without a little bit of angst amirite
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:54:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26012182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cutiepiealfie/pseuds/cutiepiealfie
Summary: -My parents got divorced today. - he said matter-of-factly, like one would say 'i had cereal for breakfast'.-And i don't know why i'm telling you this, but i just... they've been planning to do so for months and that's the first time i said that out loud. It's kinda liberating, to be honest - he looked at Even and his eyes were glossy but his smile was wide.-I'm Isak by the way - he laughed and just like that, the tension was cut, they could breathe again, the world was no longer ending.-Even - the older boy said - I'm Even and when i came here i felt like the world was going to end, but it doesn't feel like that anymore - he dared to smile in Isaks direction and when their eyes met, Even was pretty sure that they're going to be alright.
Relationships: Even Bech Næsheim & Isak Valtersen, Even Bech Næsheim/Isak Valtersen
Comments: 3
Kudos: 10





	show me where my armour ends (show me where my skin begins)

Usually, the sound of the swing creaking under his weight brought him a strange sense of comfort. Today, though, it made an unsettling feeling sit in his chest. It was nearing midnight and Even didn't know where else he could go. The abandoned playground was one of the few places that always made him feel safe. Noone knew about it, his small kingdom hidden behind an old kindergarden turned office building that nobody really cared or remembered about. He used to come here as a kid, back when his childish innocence protected him from the bad, brutal parts of life. He couldn't really pinpoint the exact moment he stopped going there to play, and started going to run away from his problems, from his parents, from everything. When the weight of the world seems like its about to crush all of his bones to dust, the only thing he knows is that the rusty swings and slides will bring him ease.

When he got his diagnosis, this is the place he came first. You're bipolar, the doctor has told him, and even though she was smiling and trying to be encouraging, he couldn't help but feel like from now on, he's going to have a tag, a label. He's going to be a label. He plastered on a smile, thanked her for everything, gathered up his belongings and ran. Not to his parents, not to Sonja. Here.  
Presumably, that is also the way he found himself here tonight. His girlfriend of 5 years has just broken up with him, which may have been a good thing, seeing as they have grown apart so much over the past months, but he can't think about that, he can't, because that just brings him to thinking how much of a fuck up he is, and he couldn't have that. Not tonight.

His parents started fighting too. Hearing hushed i can't deal with this's and whispered youre not doing enough's made him think that this, too, was all his fault. His meds didn't seem to work anymore and he felt himself bordering on the edge of an episode every damn second of the day. He was tired, is what it was. He was tired because he didn't want to live like this, depending on other people, on doctors or on meds to make him better. On days like these, it all became just a bit too much for him.  
Helpless against all the thoughts wreaking havoc in his brain, the only thing he could do was sit on the swing and watch the world blur around him as he continued to move up and down. The plaything was kind of like him, see, because at times he felt like he was on top of the fucking world, and other times he was so low he couldn't get out of bed. Thinking like that made him feel less of a freak. Everyone likes swings, right?

Then suddenly, footsteps. He couldnt really hear them at first, chalked it up to the metalic noises the chains were making. But as the swing came to a halt, it became evident that someone was indeed walking towards him. His heart started to race out of his chest. Noone's ever been here before, nobody knows about it, they can't because it's his place, and his place only. Terrified, Even stayed in place, not daring to move a finger, the only sound left in the air was his uneven breathing.  
-Is anyone here? - at last, a voice cut through, and of course. That was just Evens luck, wasn't it. He would recognise that voice anywhere, despite the fact that he has only ever really heard it a couple of times. He was internally debating whether he should say something or not, when a figure came out from the shadows. Isak Valtersen, the boy he was hopelessly crushing on since the day he moved schools, was standing right in front of him.

For a couple of agonising seconds, neither of them said anything. Isak came to a stop in front of the swings and just looked at Even, shocked. Finally,  
-Shit, i'm sorry, i didn't think anyone knew about this place apart from me- he said, reaching an awkward hand behind his neck, rubbing it a couple of times.  
-Neither did I - Evens answer came out barely above a whisper. A couple more second passed, both of them too stunned to come up with anything to say.  
-Can i sit? - Isak asked, gesturing at the second empty swing. Even nodded, not trusting himself enough to speak. As the younger boy sat down, he let himself sneak a lingering glance at his profile. He was beautiful. Even had never seen such a stunning person. He wanted to touchtouchtouch, but he wasn't allowed to, knew that he would probably never be.

For a long while, they just sat in silence, swinging and cringing at the sounds the swings made, sending small, private smiles to eachother every so often. It was comfortable, or at least Even thought so. In any other situation he would freak out, but right there and then he found that he really didn't mind the company. After what felt like hours, Isak spoke, loud and clear against the dark, but only for Even to hear.  
-My parents got divorced today. - he said matter-of-factly, like one would say 'i had cereal for breakfast'. -And i don't know why i'm telling you this, but i just... they've been planning to do so for months and that's the first time i said that out loud. It's kinda liberating, to be honest - he looked at Even and his eyes were glossy but his smile was wide.  
-I'm Isak by the way - he laughed and just like that, the tension was cut, they could breathe again, the world was no longer ending.  
-Even - the older boy said - I'm Even and when i came here i felt like the world was going to end, but it doesn't feel like that anymore - he dared to smile in Isaks direction and when their eyes met, Even was pretty sure that they're going to be alright.

*

It somehow became a regular thing, after that. Even would walk over to the playground and Isak was already sitting there, drawing things in the sand with the tip of his shoe, or just swinging. Sometimes Even would just stop and observe, revel in the way Isaks lips moved when he was mouthing lyrics to a song, unaware of anyone watching. So beautiful, always beautiful.

When they sat together, the only word coming to Evens mind to describe it was comfortable. Sometimes they shared tidbits of information about eachother, sometimes they would talk about school, but mostly they just existed beside one another, breathing the same air, neither of them feeling the need to fill the silence with words. It was intoxicating.

  
After a while, they started acknowledging eachother at school, too. At first, it was shy smiles, timid, whispered hi's while passing in the hallway.  
On a particularly good day, it was Even who broke the ice. He noticed Isak sitting alone, listening to something on his earphones. In a result of a split-second decision, he walked over and sat down next to him. Isaks reaction almost swept him off his feet (would've been literally, had he been standing, Even's pretty sure). The younger boy just smiled at him, bright like the sun, blinding almost. After a moment, he just silently passed Even one of his earbuds and they spent the remainder of the break listening to tacky Eminem songs and mouthing the lyrics at eachother.It was a good day.

  
That, too, after a while became a constant in Evens life. In barely two weeks, his entire world turned from grey hopelessness to days full of smiles and sunshine and Isakisakisak. He wouldn't have it any other way, he thinks, now that he's experienced it.

*

-I missed you yesterday - Isak told him one day, as soon as he spotted Even coming towards their spot, a private smile on his lips.  
-Sorry - the older boy responded, sitting down and leaning his head against the chain, eyes closed - Therapy was longer than i expected and mum wouldnt let me out after - he scoffed. Isaks eyes lit up with recognition.  
-With the new therapist, right? How were they? - he asked, genuinely interested.  
-She was fine, i guess. It will take a bit of getting used to. I really liked the previous one, though. She didnt double my meds on the first meeting at least - Even rolled his eyes  
-She doubled your meds? - Isak asked, suprise laced in his voice.  
-Yeah... I mean, i guess i should take some fault for that. I may or may not have ran out of my house naked on saturday. Gave my mum a right scare- he said calmly, a hint of a smile on his lips. Isak's already heard a lot of Evens stories. Somehow, since the beginning, they never hesitated about telling eachother the heaviest stuff. It was nice.  
-Dude, it was freezing on saturday - the younger boy huffed a small laugh, not really shocked - how you didn't catch hypothermia is beyond me.  
-Excuse you, my immune system is basically made of steel - Even pretended to be offended.  
-That sentence is wrong on so many levels from a biological point of view, you know that, right? - Isak scoffed. His eyes were fond. Endeared, even.  
-Okay Mister "Biology-is-my-favourite-subject". If you say so.

*

Weeks passed, and along with them Isaks parents messy divorce and endless nights spent talking on the swings, passing a cigarette or sometimes even a joint. They brought comfort to eachother an endless amount of times and their friendship grew stronger.  
Unfortunately, so did Evens crush.

He was feeling really stable lately, close to no signs of manic episodes. His therapy was going well, the meds seemed to help and life was... good. Enjoyable, almost.  
Of course, he found it most enjoyable when bright green eyes were looking at him from under golden locks, crinkling at the corners from a smile so wide it could light up an entire village.

The thing is, they've become very tactile with eachother. And while Even certainly didn't mind holding Isaks hand or cuddling him on a blanket hidden underneath the slides, it certainly didn't help with the amount of butterflies that fluttered in his stomach everytime he so much as looked at the younger boy.  
And sometimes... sometimes Isak did things that made him think he was not alone in this feeling. That maybe it was reciprocated. When it was only them, those green eyes sparkled at him like he was the only person on the planet. Like nothing else mattered. There were lingering touches and looks that made Evens heart beat out of his chest and do a lap right in front of him. There were hugs that Isak just straight out refused to end, squeezing tightly until neither of them were able to breathe.  
It made Even slowly start to feel like he's losing his mind. The constant rampade of thoughts; maybe he's just being friendly and he probably treats all of his friends this way, was what kept him up all night. Weeks have passed and he still couldn't figure out whether it could be something more. It's a classic trope, he knew this, and he also knew that he wouldn't find out unless he took the leap and just asked and yet... he was afraid. Because this friendship meant so much to him, made him feel whole again and if he were to lose Isak, he would never forgive himself. So he stayed silent. He sat with him on their playground, he smiled at him in school just like he smiled at him since the very beggining, and ever so silently, he hoped. Hoped that one day, Isak will figure it out. That he'll see the adoration that surely paints itself in every single one of Evens glances, in every one of his hugs. And if not, Even will be satisfied with just being friends. Or at least thats what he tells himself

*

The day it all started changing began just like every other monday. 'The beggining of the beggining' Even calls it. As usual, they met up on their bench behind the school after second period. On that day though, Isak looked nervous, which was totally out of character for him. They were never nervous around eachother, not anymore.  
-Umm...- Isak started awkwardly, rearranging his fringe in a stressful manner - i need to ask you something.  
Even's heart skipped a beat, but he tried to play it cool  
-Stop fidgeting, you're stressing me out. I can literally hear you thinking from here - he said, grabbing Isaks hand and holding it in his own - What is it?  
-Well, me and the guys are meeting up tommorrow for drinks and i was wondering if you would like to join us? - Isak spat the sentence out with the speed of lightning and for a split second he glanced at their joined hands, quickly turning his gaze away to look anywhere but at Even. - They've been nagging me about meeting you for ages.  
-Aww, so you tell your friends about me? - the older boy teased, making Isak turn an impressive shade of red. Interesting.  
-No! I mean.... yes, kind of. Well, we're friends. So they obviously know about you. - grumpy Isak made an appearance. To someone else it might be annoying, but Even loved grumpy Isak. He looked very cute when disgruntled. Okay, well maybe Even thought Isak always looked cute. Sue him.  
-Hey, I'm joking - Even said, ducking down so that he caught Isak's eye, making sure he knew he's being serious - Of course I'd love to meet your friends. What time should i be there?  
That coaxed a small smile out of the boy.  
-I think 7? But I'll let you know for sure. And i swear to God if you come wearing a tuxedo or something equally ridiculous I'm not letting you in - Isak grinned, and just like that everything was back to normal.  
-What? - Even faked offence - I'll have you know that i'm very aware of house party dress codes, thank you very much! Have some faith in me Isak.  
-Mate, you literally wore a bow tie when we went to the cinema last week, i know what you're capable of.  
Mate. Even hated that word. Hated being called that word. By Isak specifically. He was aware that his best friend was a sup bro? kinda guy, but it just made him lose all hope sometimes.  
-Fine, I promise I'll wear something appropriate, okay? I won't embarass you in front of your friends  
-I'm afraid it's going to be quite the opposite, actually - the younger boy mumbled.  
\- You think they're gonna embarass you? Well then, I think we're gonna get on pretty well - Even grinned mischeviously, earning himself a light punch on the arm.  
-I think so too - Isak whispered

*

On tuesday at 7:04pm Even was standing in front of Isak's door for the first time in his life. He didn't want to admit it, but he was fucking nervous. That's right, not regular nervous. Fucking nervous. Because what if they don't like him and think he's a freak and then they'll tell Isak he shouldn't be friends with him anymore and... oh. Suddenly, the door was opening and there he was, looking breathtakingly beautiful as per usual, wearing Evens favourite red shirt of his and smiling that wide toothy smile.  
-You're here! How long have you been standing outside? - he asked, but didn't wait for an answer - oh, nevermind, come on in, the guys are already here.  
Well, shit. Even had hoped they'd behave like typical teenage boys and be late, so that he could have a minute or two with Isak alone, to calm his nerves. But since that wasn't an option now, he just took a deep breath and decided to take the bull by it's horns.

Isak led him to the living room and there they were. Jonas, Mahdi and Magnus. He's heard a lot about them, especially about Jonas, who was Isaks best friend since kindergarden. He didn't even manage to get out a 'hello' before there were arms around him. A guy, who Even thought must have been Magnus, jumped up from the couch as soon as he saw him and tackled him in a bone-breaking hug. Shocked, Even froze before slowly hugging him back.  
-Hi!! - the boy shouted into his ear before backing away -I'm Magnus! It's so nice to finally meet you, we've heard soooo much about you, right guys? - he turned around for confirmation, while the others laughed. Even heard Isak say 'shut up Mags' and looked at him just in time to catch him turning a deep shade of red. Magnus, oblivious to the awkward undertones in the atmosphere, grabbed Even's hand and held it while looking him up and down and saying  
-Wow, you really are handsome, Isak you weren't exaggerating  
The line gained him another round of laughs from the boys and a cold glare from Isak. The two other guys jumped in to introduce themselves right away and then the three of them just went back to their previous positions, turning some game they've been playing back on and shouting at eachother, leaving Even alone with Isak on the other side of the room.  
-Soo.... Magnus is nice. - that made Isak slap a hand to his forehead.  
-He's like that with everyone, don't worry, he's straight so probably not hitting on you. I think.  
-Who said that would worry me?- Even asked, and it was a risk, he knew that, but somehow they've never talked about sexuality so he simply saw the opportunity and he took it. He watched as realisation slowly hit the younger boy.  
-It wouldn't? - he asked, surprised  
-Nah - Even said, feigning nonchalance - I don't really have a preference.  
At that, Isak turned an even darker shade of red, which Even didn't even think was possible.  
-Oh, um cool. That's cool, yeah - he stammered, looking down at the floor.  
-You... don't sound so sure - Even raised his eyebrows, questioning - you sure you okay with that?  
-Of course! - Isak jumped to reassure him - I mean... if i wasn't, that would be very hipocrytical of me - he mumbled, gaze stuck on a piece of dirt on his right shoe.  
In that moment, even though he hated it, a small flicker of hope made itself a home in Even's heart and he didn't think it was going to move out anytime soon.

*

After that night, the five of them became somewhat of a unit. They met up after school at the skatepark, talked on group facetime and smoked weed in Mahdis bathroom. Slowly but surely Even started to acknowledge that in fact, to his delight, Isak wasn't as touchy with the rest of his friends as he was with him. The occasional hug with Magnus or Jonas was nothing compared to how he cuddled up close to Even when they were watching a movie or how he put his legs in Evens lap when they played fifa. The realisation made butterflies erupt in his stomach.  
On one particular evening, when they were all goofing around at the skatepark, Jonas joined him on the grass to smoke a cigarrette.  
-So, when are you gonna like, ask him out for real? - he asked with that calm, matter-of-fact voice of his. Even turned his head to look at him so fast he almost got whiplash.  
-What?! - he squeaked, voice going up two octaves  
-Don't play dumb, we're all sick of you two pining like puppies, tip-toeing around eachother.  
-I'm not pin.... well fine, maybe I am pining. But what if he says no? - Even asked in a whisper, wide eyes looking around to make sure noone hears.  
-Are you kidding me bro? Of course he'll say yes, he's just as gone for you as you are for him, trust me - Jonas shook his head fondly, and they both turned their gazes towards Isak, who was trying to push Magnus off his board and failing miserably. Even let out a small laugh  
-Well, if you say so... I just might give it a try.  
-Great! - Jonas said excitedly and immediately changed the topic to telling him about some new trick he was currently trying to learn, as if he hadn't just shattered Even's entire worldview.

**Author's Note:**

> hiiii! if youre here, thank you so much for giving this a chance! I currently have one more chapter written out, and I'm constantly working on the rest. This is my first time publishing something so i hope you like it!
> 
> Title is from one of my favourite bands - Sleeping at last, if you dont know them, i wholeheartedly reccommend


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